What to choose?

I know that I am just a check to most, but that will change soon maybe. So now the only thing is to decide where I make my next move, with one I might be safe but totally unhappy and with the other.... I would be ecstatic but not exactly in the best hands, what do I choose??

so now......

Basically, I have made my decision. The time has come for me to move on. It's absolutely for the better, I just wish others could see this. It's not fair that every time I make a decision, some one has to act on it immediately, that really has nothing to do with the situation at hand. I don't want my father to leave, no one would... unless it's an entirely different circumstance, then that's fine. But my father needs to stay, just because I leave doesn't mean that he has to too. Maybe I am being selfish, and need to stay so that everyone can somewhat peacefully co-exist but am I really helping that much, or am I just delusional?

Why is it every time something good happens, there's always something right behind it to mess things up?? It's like being stuck in traffic permanently, everytime you get momentum with your car, you hit a red light. It's just not fair, nothing is fair. The best people in the world are probably the ones going through the ruwandan genocide right now. I am so sick of everything always going wrong and then when one thing goes right, something is always there to make it worse! oh well, it's a good thing I can vent a little bit, because really right now, I need to. It's just getting to be too much.

Some people say that when the going gets tough, the tough get going....

what the hell is that supposed to mean to me. I think now that i'm just really selfesh and probably don't deserve what i do have. Changing is never easy and sometimes never happens at all. I know the people who fake they are, and make everything worse when they try. Things of this nature make me think.... willi end up like them?? I want it to all just be over with and i am more than ready to be out. But for now i just have to deal.

now if only i knew how.

Do you?

Last night, in realizing i have the answers to nothing, I want to be able to know. Is there anything out there that can show me what I'm about to do is right? Does anyone know what lies ahead, truley. Does anyone have the god-honest answer of tomorrow? So as I ask these to myself, I must ask this one question...... Do you?

well I don't know

This is what I do after school, sit in the library and post and read, when i don't have to work. so I've been thinking..... should the plan of running continue, or should i put up with all of this because, after all, I did create this for myself. Let me know what you think or if you don't care, then you wouldn't be the first so i won't lecture you.

1st one

so so far im just waiting to get out, this town is depressing, but so is everything else. latley i've been thinking about just getting out myself, but somehow i keep thinking maybe i'll get through all of this, and then i just think about running more. there are so many reminders of how hopless my life is and that there really is no point anymore. it seems like a lifetime. and the worst of it is, it's like a door, theres a button you can press to get out, but your feet are glued to the floor so close that you are an inch from your finger reaching the button, but it's just impossible. you've probably heard this all before, and it doesn't really matter that much but i think getting it out to the internet is better than telling to those who really don't give a damn. oh wait, why would anyone on the internet, you don't know me, why should you. oh well here it goes......